FRIDAY - April 1, 2005

My Employment with the MIR Computer Section ends abruptly
After four years and eight months of dedicated & loyal service....
On this date in 1976 I began my first day of Boot Camp in San Diego, California.

8:13a – I was at the bustop early this morning. I was chatting with Dotty on the bus as she was eating her morning sandwich and said I saw a bug in her sandwich bag... APRIL FOOLS! She was amused and then wanted me to call Skip and let her answer. After a few tries I did so and she represented herself as the "St. Louis Police Department" and told him I had been arrested for "indecent exposure." I don't think he heard it clearly though.

I discovered that I had forgotten both my book and my jacket this morning. It was chilly and getting more so.

Got to work around 9:10a and logged in. Lisa was not at work. I asked about her and Linda said she had seen her briefly, but no one else seemed to have seen her. Debbie told me she had called in sick. I logged in at 9:26a and was eating my breakfast when Debbie came to my cubicle and said I needed to join her for a meeting... with no further explanation. I asked her what the meeting was about and she said she did not know.

I went down to the second floor with her and met with BS, LR and AC (from personnel). I was informed that the Help Desk was being eliminated and my position phased out! I was not really all that surprised, though it was depressing and upsetting of course. Lisa and I have seen it coming for quite some time. Lisa had been "axed" earlier that morning. Gary will only have weekends left as I understand it. They have at least provided me with some compensation so I will have time to get back on my feet. I was supposed to get a call from AC this afternoon, but she never called.

Combination of 3 different photos I took this morning. One in Missouri and two in Illinois.

Debbie walked me to the far side of Becker Library. I was not allowed to go back to my desk. I walked over to the CSRB and met with Skip and let him know what had happened. Then I walked back to the MetroLink and caught a train which arrived right away. I got to 5th&Mo at about 11:13 and called Skip to find out what time the next Cahokia bus ran. He told me 11:46p. It did not arrive until 12-noon. While waiting, I took some pictures of some vultures flying over head. They were pretty cool. After I got home I walked over to Block Buster and returned my two DVD's with a complaint that I was unable to view them. "Kaena" messed up in the middle and I missed a chunk of it; and "The Butterfly Effect" locked up and I got disgusted and did not even bother with trying to watch anymore. I had to push the issue, but I got them to give me a credit on them.

I started to walk over to Wal-Mart to get some birdseed, but decided maybe (as an unemployed person) I should not spend my money feeding the wild birds.

When I got home, I recieved a call from Detective Jennings. He wanted to bring my monitor by and have me identify it. I did better... I showed him a photo of it and let HIM identify it!

Then I proceeded to get drunk... and I am continuing to do so.

I gave Kira a bath and touched up my hair tonight.

SATURDAY - April 2, 2005

1:00a – I woke up and could not go back to sleep. I lay in bed watching a documentary about Butch Cassidy until about 2:00a. Then I switch to the Sci-Fi channel and watched Star Trek (the episode with Gary Seven and Isis). My stomach was being a problem and I was having to run to the bathroom about every 20 minutes though. At 3:00a Buck Rogers came on and I watched all of that. Then at 4:00a I decided leave the TV on, ignore it, and try to get some sleep. I ended up partially watching a 30 minute episode of "Night Visions." At 4:30a another 30 minute episode came on, but somewhere between then and 5:00a I finally dozed off. I woke up off & on, and at one point I get Kira a bowl of water. Since she had had a bath, I called her up on the bed to wrestle/cuddle with me and for the first time she could not make it. She is getting too old. I had to help her. That depressed me more than I can express.

I got up around 6:00a, let Kira out, then went back to bed. I got up around 8:30a "for real" this time. Maybe. I may just go back to bed.

Forgetting my own woes, I now switch to England where my dear friend, Ruby Dancingmoon, has spent a portion of her day at the cemetery, lovingly laying flowers on her dear Elisi's resting place and conversing with her about the many things going on in her life today (including, to my surprise and honor) a discourse about my current job problems. (Bless her heart!). But what a strange day for her! When she got home, she found an envelope in the mail containing pictures of her Grandfather and Grandmother (whose gravesite she had just returned from). No return address... nothing. She is completely baffled by who sent them!   These photos were from the days of German occupation of Jersey, an island between England and France under French rule and later liberated from Germany by England. They still speak a French patois there, with English as a second language. These are their German Occupation photos.

Ruby Dancingmoon's "Granddad" and "Nan". Which she has graciously permitted me to share in my journal... Ruby Blampied departed this world on May 27, 1991, at the respectable age of 81. Anyone with information on the Blampied or Hanley family tree, especially from Jersey Island, please contact us

To quote RD (with permission):

"Then tonight whilst virus scanning this computer I had a phone call. It was from mum's sister Mary. I don't get on with her and haven't spoken to her since the day of Nanny's funeral. She had some information for the tree for me. A few missing dates and places of birth of the Jersey family!!!!! Apparently mum had told her I was researching and putting together the family tree......so she thought she would call......she has asked if she can come over one day next week and bring all the information she has with her!!! My instinct was to say 'No get lost' but I want that info.....so I asked to her to call mum and see if she would like to be here too.....hoping of course that with mum there either Mary or I will be on best behaviour!"

11:15p – I have mixed turnip & mustard greens on the stove and a chuck roast in the oven.

11:57p – I am off to bed now. Supper was good.

SUNDAY - April 3, 2005

8:14a – I got up at 6:30a and it is already 8:14a ?! LOL... I forgot! the time changed last night.

8:18a – I just got a message from Calisa. Keri is at the hospital and in labor. I may be a great-uncle again tonight! 11:04a – Keri just gave birth to my great-niece, Andee Alisabeth Harris! At 9:04a California time. Four pounds and 15.8 oz. 12:08p– I am bored... I want to go out and DO something. 1:46p– Henry just brought over the furniture, including a small wet which he has owned since the 60's and which came from the Japanese embassy in Washington, DC. A heavy wood coffee table, and a huge globular glas swag lamp. I got the new swag lamp hung. I wound artificial vines & flowers on it and I think it looks great!

I got the living room straighted up for the first time in ages. I have been more energetic lately. I think it is because I have decided to go a few days without my medications (except for the blood pressure med).

MONDAY - April 4, 2005

8:48a – I got up a little after 7:00a, just like it was a regular work day. I fixed a bowl of soup from leftovers, and sent an email to AC at Human Resources. She never did call me on Friday like she said she would. That does not bode well.

9:16a – I was going to change the A/C filter this morning, but it does not really look like it needs it. 2:09p– I walked over to Block Buster and rented a couple of movies, then to KFC where I was going to get some gizzards & livers. They only serve that on Tuesdays though and for some reason I had it in my mind that today was Tuesday. 4:43p – I placed a call to AC in Personnel earlier, but I had to leave voice mail. I don't know what's going on, but I sure don't like it. Well... back to watching "Taxi" (with Queen Latifa). I enjoyed the movie! The reviews were not very impressive, but I thought it was amusing. The other CD, "Haunted House" (with Eddie Murphy) would not play at all. 7:38p – I have been washing dishes for the last 100 minutes. 11:50p – I am off to bed. Too much beer. I fried some chicken strips for supper and warmed up some leftover greens.

TUESDAY - April 5, 2005

8:16a – I got up at 7:00a again, though I woke up around 5:30a. I was having an odd dream about some remote control ducks. Something happened in the dream that I found very funny and I woke up laughing! That was weird.

I have been trying to get in touch with AC still and still no response. I contacted DM, but she says I must coordinate everything through HR, and they will not respond! A classic "catch 22" situation.

10:21a – I call AC again a little while ago, but was informed that she was not in the office and would arrive in about an hour, so I left voice mail (again). I called Lisa and updated her a few minutes ago.

11:25a – AC finally responded in an email at 11:09. She says she will call me later.

She never called me.

WEDNESDAY - April 6, 2005

1:43p – I tried to sleep in, but I only slept until about 8:00a. Someone called me from HR and made an appointment for tomorrow at 10:30a. I think I am starting to get kind of depressed over all this. I am so tired of having to start over.

I discovered I had a Robin nesting just outside of my bedroom window. I got a shot of her on her nest. GV called earlier. They have arranged for Security to escort us to the office to gather our belongings. How depressing. Oh great... my domain expired. I have renewed it, but it may be 24 hours before it is back online again.

THURSDAY - April 7, 2005

8:00a – I woke up around 3:30a and never really got back to proper sleep. I finally dozed off several times and would have some strange dream and wake up with a start. I am so worried and distraught over my job situation, I think it is starting to get to me. I am worried I will most likely use up all my savings (which will last maybe a month), have to take out all my pension (another month), and end up with a job that doesn't pay much. I have worked so hard to get absolutely no where it seems.

Finally, the domain is back on line.

8:19a – I am rushing to catch the bus. It's coming down the road. I need to cross the highway, but there is a stead flow of traffic. Now the bus is stopping to pick up people at the stop! I can't get across the felling highway!! There is goes... damn.

8:20a – I called AC ... got her voice mail. Told her I was not going to be able to make it to the appointment. This sucks. 9:55a – I called another number and got more voice mail. Left a message for a "Mary" about my situation. I also email another message to AC. 10:50a – I called again. Still no answer. 2:24p – I called AGAIN... this time I got "Mary" on the line and she said that she has nothing to do with the Personnel Office and gave me some other numbers to try. I called and left a message for "Lynell" ... more voice mail.

7:45p – I never got a response from ANYONE today! Darn... this is frustrating. The image inserted above I received from Jack today. I think it sort of fits my current mental state! (trying to laugh....)

9:30p – I was just sitting her thinking and wondering about my recent "displacement" from my job.

Well... they have made their beds, and they shall have to lie in them. I have been honest, devoted, loyal, polite, honorable, and professional in all ways. I have respectful, considerate and accomodating. The Gods know I have been all but "holy" in my behaviour and demeanor. May the Gods take appropriate action as they see fit. 11:02p – Okay... off to bed. I got a neat shot of a Robin on her nest tonight! I had some sausages and rice for supper, but I could not finish it all.

FRIDAY - April 8, 2005

I got an email from HR this morning, providing me with the number to the out sourcing company that is supposed to help us find a job. I headed in to town on the 1:21 bus. Walked over to HR and dropped off my Transfer Request and Resume. Then I went over to Barnes & Nobles where I met Skip. He had some job possibilities printed out for me. We chatted for a bit, then I walked on over to the doctor's office for my 3:30 appoitment. They went about as expected. I left there and went over to Forest Park where I took a lot of nice Sping photos. Then I walked over to the Zone and had a few drinks before heading out to catch the 6:01 train. However, I was too slow and the train pulled out right in front of me.

I caught the next one, but here was no way I would get the 5th&Mo in time to catch the 6:24p bus. So I got off at Laclede's Landing and walked around taking some photos, then caught another train. It was so jam-packed with baseball fans that I could not get on, so I waited for the next one. This one was packed too, but I HAD to take this train or I would be stranded until after 9:00 and would not get home until around 10:00p! I just barely made it in time.

I noticed several flags flying at half mast today and was wondering, "who could have died?" I know that Pope John Paull II died a few days ago, but I did know if that was what it was for. Later I realized his funeral was being held today... so that's what was up (well, half way up that is!). I stopped by Schnucks and picked up a roast. Everytime I spent any money know, I see it as a dwindling and finite supply. My savings and pension are likely to be wiped out soon. I hope not.

I got home, put on the roast, but by the time it was done, I was too tired to eat or cooked the to cook the spinich and corn I was going to have with it. I just ate a slice of pork out of the pan and left it for in the morning.

SATURDAY - April 9, 2005

I slept in until about 8:30a, got up, checked email, the fixed a bite of last night's pork and some corn for brunchfast. I took a shower and got dressed and was ready to go when Lisa got here at about 10:35a. We stopped off at a hardware store, then went on in to the office. The security guard let us in, but thankfully did not hover over us. Jeff was there. It took about 2 hours to box up my stuff. Lisa and I were both feeling very depressed and reeling with the shock of having to move out of our "home away from home" where we had spent much of our lives together over the past 5 years. Linda left me a little gift on my desk. Very sweet of her.

4:51p – I am tired and drained both physically and emotionally. I am going to go to bed and see if I can sleep for a while. What a shame... it's a beautiful day out.

8:40p – I lay in bed and half dozed for about 90 minutes. I finally got up, feeling like crap and joined Skip in the living room. Then I fixed some pineapple pork & veggies over rice for an early supper. Now I am stamping my bills for Where's George. Every bill is look percious to me now. I am still just worried sick over my unemployment situation. With no car and not even a suit (ie, for interviews) I am in a very precarious situation.

11:31p – Marty and JR are here picking up the cans. Marty paid me back the rest of the money he had borrow... that is good timing under the circumstances!

SUNDAY - April 10, 2005

8:25a – I got up a few minutes ago and let Kira out. Sat down and watched an old episode of The Adams Family.

11:56a – I've been laying down in bed dozing all morning. I just cannot get motivated to do anything. I know depression when I see it. Here's Kira... she wants to go out.

Skip has been very productive and got a lot more done on the landscaping in the front yard. Way t'go Skip! I am sorry I have been so mopey, worried, and sick over my problems. However, they will be Skip's problems soon too if I do not get a job soon.

4:47p – Skip and I walked over to Schnuck's while ago. We got some hamburger and stuff and had our first cook out of the year. It's all cooked now, but I am not real hungry now. I threw on a pork steak to grill too, and he threw on three chicken breasts. We should have lots of grilled meat for the coming week.

7:51p – We sure did cook a lot of food! I just ate a hamburger and later one hamburger patty. We bought potato salad and I cooked some corn on the cob, but I just have not had the appetite to eat any of it. I did get Marty's pictures uploaded and online though. As long as the link lasts (maybe a year) you can see his pictures here.

10:04p – I just got back from a walk to Q-Mart. The Police were flying in off of Camp Jackson headed down Theodore. Then a the same (or another) car flew past me on Melvin as I was walking. I could hear voices yelling in the distance. This neighborhood is getting significantly worse!

MONDAY - April 11, 2005
In 1979 on this date I started my job with the
Court Alternatives Department
Orange County Probation Component
1 North Orange Avenue
Orlando, Florida

9:45a – I woke up about 5:00a and did not get back to sleep until after 7:00a. Then I got up a little after 8:00a with the intention of going back to bed for a while, but I am awake now.

10:11a – I just got off the phone with Harriett We are going to try to meet with her tomorrow. She is calling Lisa now.

11:00a – Y'ustj' aad' ey' aalk' aamfr' iith' ofyezthe 'eltaengl' iime Y'aad' uut ekt' aaly' aavy' iith' evservaanzr' ep' aoch' aaVy' aim' oorjaalne! Y'aantk' iibeifl' eth' udw' og' os' arf' aazh' uut' uud' aat'the. Ch' edm' iim' os' aadme, aim' aadz' ukshe.

6:11p – Oh no! Marty totaled his truck today. He was not badly hurt... no one apparently got hurt, but it was a 3 car pile up. It has been raining all day, which was part of the cause.

8:05p – Harriett called around 7:30p and we are now set for an appointment at 2:00p on Wednesday.

I ordered my medications tonight and then I went to bed early around 10:30p.

TUESDAY - April 12, 2005

10:33a – I woke up at 4:00a this time and didn't get back to sleep until around 7:30a. Rather, I dozed sporadically and had strange dreams. I tried to make myself sleep and stayed in bed until about 10:20a. I need to see about finding a decent "interview suit" today if I can. It is overcast, but not raining like yesterday. Job hunting from Cahokia with no car is going to be very difficult.

6:41p– I sluffed off much of this morning and watched the Triple X movie, the I got industrious and I've been getting laundry folded and hung all afternoon. I was just getting ready to go to the store a few minutes ago and a storm broke loose. It started with a little hail, but now it is the typical spring/summer storm. Kira has been going crazy over the thunder.

7:34p– It's still pouring down out there. I still need to go to the store. This is really going to suck.

It wasn't as bad as I thought. It was only sprinkling a little.

WEDNESDAY - April 13, 2005
In 1981 on this date I moved into the Haystack West apartments in Orlando.

12:20p – Lisa should be over at 1:00p to pick me up. We are going to meet with Harriett at 2:00p. I am already nearly dressed and ready to go.

Y'aatge ey' iiyelm' aamfr' Ilfe uutede. Iih' etse ethy' iib' ogeingye uut' airhe ey' uun' erspaanse.... aanj' aath' iih' aat'the Y'utk' ilfe iith' aabje. That really makes me mad. Eth' idench' iiyenve tle aash' one yaotb' ith' uun aabje! Aoh' uupstyetp' uud' eth' inkth' iiw' iibe?

1:47p – Lisa isn't going to be able to make it. Her car is blocked in. How embarrassing and upsetting. This entire ordeal is not going well.

2:22p – I just got off the phone with Det. Jennings. He needs more information on my stolen monitor. I have found the bank statement on line and will print that for him. I also have my journal entry from January 3, 2004. I am always pleased when my dedication to my daily journal entries pays off in some way. It has been useful to backtrack and "supplement" my memory so many times.

It's amazing how many things a person can forget. Simple trivial things I suppose, but who knows when it will be vital?

I took some more pictures of the Robin's nest. She has 2 eggs.

3:06p – Detective Jennings just left. He dropped off some supplemental burglary forms and I provided him with a printout of my January 3, 2004, journal entry.

THURSDAY - April 14, 2005

11:33p – I am catching up for the day...

I "forced" myself to sleep in until about 10:00a... then I had to get up. The day was wasting away again. I would like to just stay in bed sleeping and not dealing with my situation, but that is not really an option. I got up, checked email, then prepared some spaghetti with left over chicken from last night. I ate this and then the next thing I know it is already noon. Time is flying by too quickly. I called Lisa to see if she was going to attend our wake... or "going away party" (which I have dubbed our, "Throwing Away Party"). Yes... she is, and it is at 3:00p. I seemed to think it would be later.

I was ready when Lisa arrived. In the backyard affixing a board in the tree in the backyard where I was placing food for the birds. The board was getting knocked down, so I put a wood screw into it to make it more permanent. We left at about 2:15p and headed into St. Louis to pick up Hanna from her school. While I was waiting for Lisa to pick Hanna up, I wandered about looking for some good photo ops. With Spring in the air and it being a beautiful day, I felt I should be able to get some great photos. I got a few shots, but nothing I would call "Great".

From Hanna's school, we headed over to Linda's place for the party. We were just a bit early, and realized they were still putting up decorations & party favors, so we drove over to a gas station to dawdle some time away. Better to be "fashionably late" than tackily early!

They had really gone all-out and had a wonderful layout for us. Of course, we felt like we were attending our own wake, but even so it was a very impressive and admirable tribute to us. I was really moved and impressed.

FRIDAY - April 15, 2005

7:17a – It is with no little relief this morning, that I find my paycheck was deposited last night. However, this marks one third of the time gone and I do not feel that I have made much progress. I must get myself together and focused. Both Lisa and I are still reeling from the shock of our situation and finding it difficult to get ourselves motivated. 1:19p – I finally got a bit of motivation and did some repair work to the front fence panel that is falling apart; or rather, being torn apart by a small tree. Then I walked over to BP and got some oil and gas for the lawn mower. I am going to see if I can get the front lawn mowed. Assuming the mower will start.

BEFORE

2:33p – I am surprised. I got the mower up & running and the lawn mowed in about 30-40 minutes. The mower started right up upon my first test, so I added some oil and gas and it was done in no time. I notice there are a lot of weeds in the yard though. I need to get some weed killer very soon.

AFTER

2:37p – Next, I need to get motivated to clean the kitchen. That may not be as fruitful.

Nope... I was too tired from mowing. However, I did get more shots of the Robin's eggs. The Robin has her nest just outside of my bedroom window. I caught a huge Night Crawler this afternoon and tried to offer it to her. I don't know quite how to communicate with her though. I do not speak G??! Anyway, took some pictures of her 2 eggs and I heard heard her protesting in the tree above me, so I made it quick and did not touch anything. I hope to have pics of her chicks in the near future!

Harriett called and I set up an appointment to meet with her at 1:30p on Tuesday at the Marriott.

11:24p – I am off to bed now. I made a soup of leftovers for me and Skip. It was okay, but nothing special. He ate some... that was major flattery to me!

SATURDAY - April 16, 2005

5:56a – I got up at 4:15a and have been checking email and fixing the alarm sensor on the back door. Head back to bed now... even though the sun is coming up!

3:36p – I got back up around 9:30a. I spent a couple of hours catching up on email. Around 12:30p, Skip and I walked to Radio Shack to see about getting his key chain remote replaced. They had none in stock. They're going to have to get one from another store and it will not be available until Thursday. That seems like an inordinately

long time when Skip paid extra for the "insurance." We then headed off to our main goal, Taco Bell. I had not eaten a bit all day and was really getting hungry by then. Then we walked over to Payless Shoe store and I got a pair of dress shoes and Skip got a pair of tennis shoes. They were having their 'BOGOHO' sale (Buy One Get One Half Off). From there we meandered over to Wal-Mart. All I got was a bag of fertilizer with weed killer (like what I used to know as "Weed & Feed"). Then we bypassed Schnucks and went to the Dollar Store. Skip bought a $10 Bakers Rack.

I got some paper plates, air freshener and some rawhide strips for K-dog. We made our usual trip over to Q-Mart and finally dragged ourselves home. It is a beautiful sunny day and we actually turned on the A/C. I am sure it is wise to be turning it on since I am not employed, but I don't think the seriousness of my situation has really struck Skip as reality yet.

I finally got most of my links fixed in my "Lee's Place" page tonight.

SUNDAY - April 17, 2005
In memory of Benjamin Frankling who died on this day in 1790

1:04p – I was awake at 3:30a and running to the bathroom every few minutes. I finally dozed off around 7:00a and tried to sleep as long as I could. I got up around 9:30a ... feeling worn out, dehydrated and just generally yucky. I fixed some rice, eggs and biscuits and that helped some.

Skip has been industriously working on the yard again this morning. I need to do some work, but I feel bad. I think I will at least try to get motivated and clean the kitchen up. 4:20p – I got Skip's turkey breast in the oven to bake. Now I just learned from Marty that he got a new vehicle. That's good. He would be in a bad way without it.

5:22p – I feel so tired and sleepy. I just got out of the shower and am about to walk to the store. Maybe that will get my blood circulating and I will feel better.

5:59p – There were cops crawling all over the neighborhood as I walked to the store. Two cars came flying down Melvin with light only flashing. I heard the them fire up their sirens when there were out of sight. Then as I am approaching the house, and ambulance came by. Not in any rush though.

9:53p – I have done well preparing supper. Turkey breast stuff with onion, parsley, garlic & sage. Cornbread stuff made from the drippings. Mashed potatoes from scratch with fresh minced parsley. Turkey gravy enhanced with milk & corn starch additives. I got the electric carving knife out and sliced up one side of the turkey breast. It promises to be YUMMY!

MONDAY - April 18, 2005
Happy Birthday to my dear friend Diana Murayame ... now living in Seattle!

12:17p – I slept better than usual last night. I woke up at 3:30a, but went right back to sleep. Woke up again at 4:30a and had to get some water, but went right back to sleep. Woke again at 6:30a, and again dozed right back of to sleep. Then I got up at 7:30a feeling much better. And my stomach did not have me running to the bathroom all night & morning for a change. A pleasant change!

When I got up this morning, the first thing I saw in the living room was torn up paper plates & garbage. Kira has started to get a bad habit of pulling stuff out of the garbage and strewing in about the kitchen and living room. I was very displeased with her.

3:58p – I just got back from a productive excursion. I picked up a sport jacket for only $8 (It seemed to fit, I hope so...). I also got some new ties and a cocktail strainer (for .25 cents). Then I went over to Shop & Save. I shopped a little, but I don't think I saved much! Next door to Shop & Save is a Great Clips, so I stopped in spontaneously and got my hair cut. Then went to McDonalds and got some fries and a milk shake which I consumed while waiting at the bus stop. However, a train went by and then stopped, blocking traffic on Camp Jackson road. I suspect it was also blocking traffic further down on Mildred where the bus crosses the tracks. I finally start rolling again and at long last Camp Jackson was opened up again. Two minutes later (if that)... another train comes along and down go the gates again. I was a long wait for the bus, needless to say.

I then went over to Wal-Mart and picked up some dye for my hair and some scented oils, the to Q-Mart for some liquid refreshments. I was dragging by the time I got home. I it about 81°F or more and sunny, but there is a nice breeze. I may have got a little sun out there today. I hope so. I would like to have a little color when I make it to my first interview. Kira had a big piece of aluminum foil chewed up all over the living room when I got home. She is really upsetting me with this behaviour! She is already too fat and I have cut her food down some.

I guess she is hungry. She is constantly wanting more to eat. She even goes out under the bird feeder and eats bird seed!

WOW ... I just became the 'OWNER' of the Tsalagi Group on Yahoo! I hope I can live up to the position!!

11:45p – I am off to bed now....

TUESDAY - April 19, 2005

8:59a – I slept solidly again last night and for the second day in a row, and my stomach has been good. I don't know what (if anything) I've done different, although I did eat turkey for the last two nights. Maybe the tryptophan helped me sleep and the turkey may be more absorptive, alleviating the stomach problem. Of course, studies now show that the belief that turkey causes drowsiness is mere urban lore. The average person ingests 1000 to 2000 mg of tryptophan per day and the average serving of turkey contains about 350 mg. Still, I slept well and that was after eating turkey. "The proof is in the pudding," as the saying goes.

9:14aa – However, I had some very weird dreams last night. I dreamed that I was back at the office and so was Lisa. We were re-employed. In my dream In my dream I kept thinking that we had lost our jobs. Then I woke up (or I though I did) and was telling Lisa about the dream (we were at work). However, I was still dreaming... it gets very confusing and was most disturbing. I was having dreams inside of dreams. I have not done that in years.

10:15a – I called MidWest Waste a little while ago. They confirmed that they will pick up the desk and that there is no charge for it. Spoke to "Tracy."

12:46p – I am all dressed and ready to go to the meeting with Harriet. Lisa should be here in about 15 minutes. I have been taking some pictures of myself to see how I look. I sure do need to lose weight! I need new pants for sure. These are looking faded and too short. My shirt collar will not fasten any more!

I dressed for business today, taking some pictures of myself so I can see what an interviewer is seeing.
I need need pants and shirt and a larger coat is in order.

Oh, well. This will have to do until I can get more suitable clothes.

4:44p – I suppose the meeting with Harriett went well. I think the main thing I got out of it was details of how the resume style of 2005 should look and what it should and should not contain.

After leaving, Lisa and I went out to the East St. Louis Airport to their restaurant, called "Oliver's" and had a salad for lunch. It was sure quite in that place. Not even any music was playing. I was bemused by a Morning Dove that had made her nest on the ledge just outside our window. She seemed perfectly comfortable to be sitting there with us at lunch!

11:45p – I am of to bed.

WEDNESDAY - April 20, 2005

7:06a – For the third night in a row, I slept amazingly sound. I woke once around 2:50a and did not wake again until about 5:55a. I don't know what I am doing different (no turkey last night), but I hope it keeps up.

2:10p – I was feeling fine when I got up this morning, then I got hit by a wave of fatigue and had to lay down. I must have doze fitfully for 2 hours before getting up and fixing some soup. This day is trickling away and I am not getting a thing accomplished. I did get my January 2001 page re-vamped.

4:46p – I did at least get the back yard mowed.

11:18p – I fixed a chuck roast, snap peas and gravy for supper. It was really rather good. However.... it is NOW time for bed!

THURSDAY - April 21, 2005
In Memory of Néhna, our grandmother, born on this day in 1918

6:36a – I seem to be back to not sleeping well again; and my stomach went back to having problems. Just to add insult to injury, my TV in my bedroom died sometime between 4:00 and 5:00 this morning. It wouldn't even TURN OFF! I have to get up and find the plug and pull it. I am hoping beyond hope that it will be okay when it cools down. There was a storm going all night, so maybe that was related. Yep... it's completely dead. I let it sit for a while, hoping it just needed to cool off, but it will not even power on now. This is very depressing. One of my very few luxuries of watching TV in bed is now gone and I can't risk spending the money to buy a new on in my current predicament. 3:46p – I have been trying to work on the re-write of my resume today. I've made some headway, but I am really suffering from a major bout of depression. I am so tired of thinking about and dealing with this employment situation. I'm about ready for fetal position. 4:07p – I finally set one of the small venison roasts out to thaw. It has been many years since I ate venison. I wonder if I still like it? I made an all Cherokee meal in honor of Néhna's birthday. With the venison (which I floured and baked, smothered in red onion), I prepared yellow squash in a white pepper sauce, fried okra in cornmeal batter, pinto beans seasoned with jalapeños, garlic & onion, and sweet jalapeño corn muffins.

FRIDAY - April 22, 2005

10:11p – I slept in till around 10:30a this morning! That was good as far as sleeping goes, but maybe a bit of overkill. I took a couple of Tylenol PM last night which probably contributed. I did wake up a few times in the night and ... Y'aade erveir' elsmeil' artzfe. Y'iinkthe che'aaswe iibaask' aavye iith' irdiitme aanj' iith' iinzbe. Ch'aasw' erveir' aadbe!! Kira may have contributed too, since she drank some of the blood.

I was more productive today. I applied for at least one job position with SLU, however, it is pending until I complete my resume. I think I have about got that done. I also need to put together a cover letter.

I have sent at least one email to Harriett thanking her and asking about getting on-line access to the system she mentioned in our meeting on Tuesday, but I have had no response yet. I also sent an email the AC of WU inquiring about the fact that my vacation pay was added to my paycheck on the 15th even though I was told it would be on my LAST paycheck. This is a concern to me of course, but I have recieved no response. So... can I apply for unemployment now? I am not sure.

10:26p – Kira wants out....

10:28p – I am trying to get my scanner hooked up. I have it connected an power connected, but it took a while to search through my boxes to find the intallation CD. I finally found it... or a copy of it. I am about to find out if this PC will handle it. I sure hope so!!

11:43p – I got my scanner working and all is well in that regard.

All I have eaten today are leftovers from last night. I cooked a pot of rice to stir-fry up with some left-over beans. I have not got any of this started yet though.

11:43p – Uh oh... I think I left Kira outside.... I better check on her. (she gave me the cold shoulder when I let her in...)

11:50p – Now Kira is begging me for attention... silly fickle bitch.... lol.. (what would I do without her?)

... Skip is re-watching "Full Metal Jacket" ... the sarge just got shot. Again. I don't care to watch it.

SATURDAY - April 23, 2005

12:25a – I am still up. I am so aggravated with Skip as I try to explain my position in regard to my TV "dying." I said that I could buy a new TV, and went off on me. I did NOT say that I would buy one. That was my dilemma. I could, but I know that I should not. He attacked me as though I would spend my limited funds frivolously on a TV for my bedroom. That was very aggravating.

12:50a – I am off to bed now...

10:54a – I just got up! I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep, but I was starting to have bad dreams, so I may as well get up and face my waking nightmare. <sigh>

My only real accomplishment today has been this rendition of "The Serenity Prayer" in Cherokee...

4:03p – This day is just wasting away... ticking by.

Skip and I walked over to Block Buster. The movie I want to see is out... "Electra." But there were none available. I found nothing worth wasting money on renting, though I should still have a credit balance anyway. Then we went to the Dollar Store. Skip got some weed killer... I again spent no money. Then on to Schnucks. The had chuck roast on sale, and pork roast. I got two of the chucks and pork for tonight. I ended up spending $33.11 on a few groceries! Prices are so ridiculous! Then we ran by Q-Mart and on home. It is really chilly out and I start coughing. Then I got a rush of fatigue and got cold clammy sweats... I hope I am not getting sick!

We go home and Kira wanted to go outside for some reason. I realized why in a moment. She had dug garbage out of the trash can... AGAIN! What am I going to do with her? I hate to punish her much at her age... and I love her so much. I have banished her to the backyard for a while.

7:58p – The pork roast is in the oven, and Kira is still outside. I am feeling better. At least the coughing stopped.

8:58p – I just took a test to see if I am a type A or B personality (like I had any doubt):

9:07p – I now took the language profile test...

9:19p – I took another test.... not sure if I should make this one public!

10:15p – Marty and JR arrived and I am still cooking supper. However, I took one more of these amusing tests... SUNDAY - April 24, 2005 12:35a – I finally ate supper and am off to bed! 11:39a – I slept in late again this morning. I was having distrubing dreams again. In one of them, I was riding a bicycle around Deltona and Kira was with me. She was tired and couldn't make it back home again. I suppose this comes from my concerns about her aging. She is getting visibly older almost every day its seems here lately. This morning she was laying outside my bedroom door and there was a smudge of blood on the carpet. I think it is coming from the patches on her elbows, but I am not sure. I have also noticed that sometimes her hind legs tremble when she is standing. I love that dog so much. When I lose her, I will lose a part of myself. I am not sure I will be able to deal with it.

12:38p – Skip is back to working on the backyard, though I don't think he is really in the mood for it. I am going to mow the front yard.

1:03p – It's done! The mower gave me a little problem getting started. I think it got some moisture in the motor or fuel line from being left out in the rain. Once it got started it was fine.

MONDAY - April 25, 2005
In Memory of Great Aunt Thelma, born on this date.

12:17p – I got up early this morning and began working on my resume's cover letter, but depression set in I started to feel sick and went back to bed. I talked th Harriett this morning and my resume is still not up to her standards. She will call me back this afternoon and we will work on it. I am extremely unmotivated, worried and depressed today. During my "nap" I mostly had more distrubing and upsetting dreams. I can't even excape it in my sleep.

Skip took a vacation day today.

8:37p – I have managed today to get my resume streamlined and cut down to 2 pages with Harriett's assistance. I think I like the long 4 page version better, but I do understand where she is coming from. This entire ordeal of dealing with getting re-employed is a nightmare. I can't believe what Wash. U. has done to me. I am so tired of giving my "all" just to be thrown aside like yesterday's garbage. That is how I feel... I can't help it. Oh well... life is not "fair" ... that is just a human concept, like God and other such wonderful things.

I got hit by a bunch of bills today too. Nearly $300... mostly the bill from S

BC to repair the phone line due to vandalism. This, despite the fact that I was told that I would not be my responsibility. Oh well... what ever.

9:28p – I have supper started, but I am now going to go watch "Meet the Fockers" with Skip. It should be a funny and stress alleviating movie. I hope!

11:07p – I watched most of "Meet the Fockers" tonight, but I could not really get in to it. I am off to bed...

TUESDAY - April 26, 2005 12:20p – I got up at 7:00a (-ish). I can't get motivated at all today. It's really bad. I am just too depressed. 12:43p – I put a side of corned beef in the crock pot this morning. It smells good cooking. 7:24p – I got the job application finished with SLU today. I am not sure its the job I would want, or if it is one I can get to easily with no car, but ... I have to do something.

11:16p – I am really not handling things well. Y'iibe iidbleingd' aamfr' iibainde. Here is Kira... off to bed with us....

WEDNESDAY - April 27, 2005

9:26a – I got up about 9:15. I don't feel very good today. My throat is scratchy and I feel disconnected from my body.

I caught the 2:26 bus and went to CWE to see abuot picking up my bus pass. I don't have one waiting, so it was a waste of time. There was a Cardinals game today and it was letting out on my way in, so the train was packed at Busch Stadium. Then, between Busch Stadium and the Savvis Center, there were some old men taking a leak in the parking lot, showing all their goods to the people on the train while smiling and waving. It was kind of funny actually, and every one on my side of the train who could see what was happening were giggling & snickering. I should have had my camera with me! LOL.

I checked out the recruiting office at Barnes, but they do everything on-line, so I will just continue that route.

I took the 4:30p bus home, but it did not pull out until about 4:40p. Then I went to Schnuck's, the Dollar Store, Block Buster, KFC and Q-Mart. Spend, spend, spend... like I can afford it. Mostly just food though. I got 2 movies at Block Buster, but I had a credit and paid less than $4. I rented "House of Daggers" and "Electra."

8:32p – I just finished watching "House of Daggers." Fortunately, the DVD had an English dub track. It had beautiful visual effects. The scenery was awesome and the colors were striking and inspiring. The colors in the trees and the over powering jade-green of the bamboo forest were spectacular. The special effects were okay, but but not TOO over done (as in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"). It turned out to be a very ttragic love story though. It made Romeo & Julliet look like a comedy in comparison! There were some slow parts that got a little too mushy-feely-touchy for my taste, but nothing a dose of fast-forward could not deal with <grin>.

8:45p – Skip is totally disgusted with the new so-called "upgrade" of his on-line game of Star Wars Galaxies. Sony has gone against the wishes of about 80% of its users and is messing the game up for them. They seem to be trying to target the younger teenage crowd and are going to lose ("are losing") a large percentage of the steady paying adult market. What a mistake! 8:48p – I am off to watch my other movie now... "Electra." 11:19p – "Electra" was not as good as I thought it would be at all. It was "okay" at best. Strange... I think "House of Daggers" was better and I did not have all that much hope for it. Strange how these things work out. Overall, I think it was pretty boring. At least Skip watched it with me. That was some consolation. At least I did not have to watch it by myself and suffer all the dissapointment alone.

11:34p – I fixed some of the left over corned beef & potatoes to make a home made "corned beef hash" tonight. It was not too bad.

11:51p – Time to go to bed now before I strart to get depressed again. I sure wish I had my TV working in my room. That was just a dirty, nasty blow of fate! Especially since I could still go buy a TV ... but I know it would not be wise use of my limited and diminishing funds. Oh... sudden silence... the TV in in the other room just turned its self off. Okay... off to bed then. I hope I can be more produtive tomorrow. I am spinning my wheels in desparir and I cannot afford to be so stupid.

THURSDAY - April 28, 2005

7:02a – I got up about 4:00a and got a drink of water. I had been having wild dreams. I went back to bed and slept again and had more strange dreams. Then I woke up again around 5:00a and never got back to sleep. I almost dozed off a couple of times, but then I popped back awake feeling panicky. I hate that feeling.

7:25a – I got to see my quilt square that I made a year or two ago in a quilt book done for "The Mighty Quinn" this morning. That was very heart-warming.

I made a silly splurge of funds I know I should not have spent tonight and purchased "Studio 9 Plus" movie editing software. Hopefully, it will be something I can use in future work though, so I am thinking of it as an investment. It wasn't much, but I feel guilty spending the money.

FRIDAY - April 29, 2006
Remembering my mother who passed from this world on this date (1984).

I was not terribly movitvated this morning, but I had planny on filing more resumes on-line. However, sometime around noon I got violently ill! I just sat down in the living room and suddenly the room started to spin. It wouldn't stop. I tried to get up, but I couldn't keep my balance. I finally managed to get up and stagger to the patio to get some fresh air, hoping that would help. It seemed to help a little, but when I went back inside I started getting woozy again. I had just turned the furnace off and started to wonder if it might be leaking gas? So I opened the front window and back door. I started to call Skip, but hung up. I considered calling 911 even. Then I got violently ill and had to make a clumsy dash for the bathroom where I emptied my stomach (mostly of milk). I was sweating and shaking and really getting scared. I am not sure what time it was, but I went to my room a laid down and dozed off for a while. I don't even know how long. I felt much better when I got up. Hungry even. I fixed three eggs with swiss chees melted over them and surprisingly, it seemed to help.

10:16p – I still feel a little yucky, but I think I am through the worst of it. I was worried about a stroke because I have been experiencing a numbness in my left arm for the last couple of weeks. Today it is even worse. Most of my little finger is numb and part of my hand on the outer edge. Its really worrisome. However, I think today's "attack" was more likely caused by a type of food poinsoning caused by Staphylococcus Aureus. It may have come from the reheated chicken & pasta that I fixed this morning.

Fortunately, another severance check was deposited today. Y'aon' aave 4000$ nye eivsingzve; orm' aanthe 300$ nye ekchingye; aanj' orm' aanthe 400$ ny' aim' aalwetle. Y'aav' eyaandre 3400$ ny' aim' enzpaanshe... t'be, Y'op' aye yond' aav' ut' ekte ch'aoche. Y'aav' uute t'ge ey' aabj' uunse!

SATURDAY - April 30, 2005

12:04a – I made a big supper. Chuck Roast, gravy, rice and brocolli in 4-cheese sauce.

12:31a – I thought I was going to watch Battle Star Galactica, but Skip just came in and took over the TV. He didn't even ask. Just took over... and put in his new "Scar Face" video. I supposed I don't really mind, but I would have appreciated being asked if I was watching anything on my TV, or my VCR or my DVD on the Satellite connection in MY name... but, now I don't have a job, so I guess my opinion is no longer relevant. Even though I am still paying my own way, and paying & managing the bills. I foresee this to be a bad time coming up.

I am pissed at Kira tonight. She dug trash out of the can again. I really came down on her hard with a spanking and being put in the bedroom for an hour or so. She knows I am not happy with her. I hope she doesn't know how much it tears me up to punish her.

12:38a – Anyway... time for me to crash.

9:10a – I was up at 8:00a. Let Kira out and just sat in the living room staring. I can't escape this constant depression and worry about my joblessness. It is so overwhelmingly oppressive.

2:07p – It is a nice day out. Sunny and slightly coolish. I am glad it's not raining. I went out and got the back yard mowed.

3:16p – Whew! I got the front yard mowed too! No way am I going to get to weed-eating though.

3:31p – At this time last year, I was sitting in Chuck's apartment in Florida waiting for him to get home from work. We went out partying that evening. Now here I am, unemployed a year later and not knowing what the future holds in store. It all seems so bleak and depressing.